I hate it when I wake at 3:00 am, and my mind is racing through problems that only get worse as my groggy, angry mind is thinking about them. If that isn’t bad enough, I then start thinking about how bad I am going to feel in the ‘real’ morning. It becomes its own loop. We know that stress is bad, yet some problems strike right to your core and can freeze you in panic mode.

So, what are your alternatives? There are several general tools that can make a difference when you consider where you are in your life and what your resources are. For some people, the current political-social environment is toxic – some experience a physical threat to their well-being, and others feel a sense of deep loss of meaning. With all of it, there is a loss of the sense of control – even of their own thoughts. But this is something you can take steps to manage.

Small steps will help you to take charge. Give yourself small victories and note them. Reduce your caffeine – not all at once, but in small steps. Slow your drinking of alcohol, again, in small steps. Adjust the time of eating your heavy meals. Eating late doesn’t help.

Develop a pre-sleep routine. Turn the TV off a bit earlier, don’t rewatch the chase scene from the French Connection as the last thing you see. Your adrenaline will be rushing through your veins as you are driving that car through the streets of New York. Instead, get a book that has you hiking the Appalachian Trail, short stories, poems, a biography of someone who you admire. I am reading science fiction. Don’t tell me that Mars isn’t dangerous!

When you wake at 3:00 am, which you will, think about the book you are reading, your most enjoyable part of your vacation and what you are thankful for. Some members of the congregation are using online apps with relaxing sounds or music. Check your health insurance as some providers offer free access to meditation and quieting soundscape apps like Calm. Some are listening to their own breathing. Take deeper breaths, hold for a beat and release. Repeat. Slow yourself down.

If after ten minutes none of this is working, get up and change your location. Take your book, calming app, and breathing to your living room sofa. Keep the lights low, have a blanket, and rest.

There are some lifestyle activities that will help. Go back to exercise – you don’t have to train for an event, but walking fast for 20 minutes (again start small) can help your body and your mind. Plan some time to think about your next steps, where you can get information, and meet with others. This is work. There are places with information, the church, the county, and friends. While you know about these things, getting started can be difficult, we all get distracted when we are anxious. I fold more clothes before I start something important. What I need to do is to begin by sitting with a pen and blank page. This short piece started as a blank page, with the first sentence being stared at for three days, and my first outline had only two useful items on it.

Overcoming and facing these challenges isn’t easy. Inertia is a real thing. Taking small steps to get started is a good practice.

When I was a practicing counselor, I found that many people had difficulty starting anything because they thought their first attempt was to be near perfect. We hear of music writers producing instant successes writing a song on a napkin in 20 minutes. It is a myth that Lincoln wrote the first and final draft of the Gettysburg Address on the back of an envelope. Great writers rarely produce more than 400 good words in a day – they do, however, produce many words that aren’t so good. Another case in point, most students who have trouble learning how to do a math problem will work at it five minutes before giving up because they don’t have the math gene. The kids who do a bit better accept that they need to stay engaged with the problem.

These are new experiences that take time for you to learn how to manage. Remember, be kind to yourself while you are learning ways of living. You can learn to manage your runaway 3:00am thoughts – but not all at once.

Rich Long.

March 23, 2025

Structurally, the news is designed to get your attention, typically by phrasing or emotionally charged adjectives. News reports are repetitive – sometimes an item is repeated with a change in labels. It starts with the hyper stimulating label of being an Alert. An alert means to command you to listen (again). I recall watching the breakup of the Space Shuttle Columbia as it came down in the southwest US. The video continued as an endless loop showing the same 40 seconds. I watched each loop as if it were new and continued to experience the same grief every time. In more recent times, I find news outlets posting similar content but under different titles only to find that I am simply reading the same message and having the same reaction. What’s the lesson? You can drive yourself crazy by being emotionally engaged and not cognitively aware of the form of the news, as well and the limits of the news. One renowned commentator will talk about a tragedy that happened moments before with the observation, ‘we STILL don’t know….’ The fact is that it takes time to gather and curate information and you don’t have to be drawn into every guess that passes as expert commentary.

The structural issues aren’t driving the intense reaction. Significant is the question of why we get angry while watching today’s news. Currently, most of the news is about actions by the new administration. By design, these actions are to maximize options for this administration to push their agenda. As we are seeing, that some orders are being amended means that the information being reported at the beginning of a story is not likely to be complete. From this pattern, we shouldn’t instantly jump to the worst thought or feeling. Perhaps we should always be asking, ‘how can I get new information without continuing to feel the angst of the first message.’ This is hard as sometimes it takes days to decipher what is known from what still needs to be determined.

Another issue is that anger itself may well be just a stepping stone to a deeper set of emotions. At one level, you want to strike out, and on another level, you feel powerless. This push/pull of contrary emotions is exhausting and can become your personal loop of pain. It keeps you from thinking about what options you may have or have to develop. And, it is real that for you and your family, your well-being may be threatened. Managing your emotions are important as you do have to make difficult decisions. There are things you can do to reduce the emotional intensity. Take walks and look at the slowly emerging buds on the trees (which means focusing on something else for a few moments), and/or talk with a friend, colleague, or professional (using words helps to put labels on issues so you can begin to engage in problem-solving). Yet, it is also important to do so in a safe environment where you can bring your feelings to the surface (which means, among other issues that using emails with colleagues isn’t a private environment).

At an existential level, there are a lot of core questions. There are friends and neighbors who are wondering if they will be able to pay the mortgage, college tuition, and/or medical care. These are threatening our sense of well-being and safety. And it can erode the sense of hope and joy. Don’t give away your sense of hope and joy. Take action by planning parties, attending gatherings, reading books, and watching movies. Share what you enjoyed with a friend – they, too, need to connect with you.

These ideas share the concept that you can teach yourself how to modulate your emotional responses to information. Fear brings on more fear, and with that isolation, which brings more desperation. Turn off the endless loops of the news, listen to music, tell a friend what you are thinking and feeling, go to church, and stay for coffee. It isn’t that tough people survive tough times; it is people who identify the problems they are facing and adapt are the ones who survive. If you find yourself feeling and thinking that you are in a bottomless pit, take a step by reaching for a hand. There are hands waiting to help.

Rich Long February 26, 2025

Any uncertainty is a challenge, and professional changes are always anxiety provoking. We wonder how bills will be paid. Will a family member’s education be impacted? Or a health treatment? Uncertainty can impact our perception of self-worth. In general, it brings a sense of being powerless and vulnerable, feelings we would rather not face. Yet, there are practical things you can do to provide yourself with some tools. Tools on how we think, what we do, how we feel

If you think you are alone in your situation, stop thinking that. Not only is this useless, it isn’t true. Most work changes have external triggers, new bosses have new goals, their own thoughts on leadership, almost everyone is into disruption. You can’t fight these things and they aren’t your fault. For a few minutes, let yourself explore.

The book Uncertainty by Maggie Jackson makes a good case that useful changes have happened because of the opportunities that uncertainties provide. Write down what is important to you. This act can yield new insights into your priorities. Additionally, make a list of your skills – not your jobs. This can help you find new combinations of skills. Also, make a third list of ‘What has been just outside your reach?’ Look at all three, what surprises you, what excites you? To move forward, do you need a certificate (which didn’t exist 10 years ago), or do you need more education, training, and/or is there opportunity available in another location?

Give some thought to what myths you have been living with. One common myth is that if you have been a federal employee for more than five years, you are unattractive to the private sector. This may well be true, especially if you present yourself with a resume that simply lists your positions and recognitions. You don’t have to feed that myth; you can destroy it. Employers are looking for people to help them solve the challenges that they are facing. This means you should build your resume to emphasize what you can offer. Highlight examples of problem-solving and adapting tools to meet new challenges.

Now think about who you know in various industries and set up informational interviews. Not only is it good practice, but learning what is new in various industries and sectors is wise. This will give you a better sense of the wider environment. Organizations change goals, products, services and with it staff. For example, in the last few years several major health care providers have changed how they recruit. They are hiring Doctors of Osteopathy instead of Doctors of Medicine or nurse practitioners to do the work that previously was performed by physicians. This is just one sliver of the massive changes in the sixth largest sector of the economy, healthcare.

Ask yourself the question: Do I like working with people, about people, or working with objects?

Look at your list of what is important to you. Is moving a bad thing (and why), or is it something you have been wondering about? Look at other sectors and industries, progress might be made by shifting to an industry and sector that doesn’t pay as much, but offers something else.

Consider joining resume workshops, career counseling sessions, or other sharing activities. The local counties have support groups of professionals who are looking for jobs (Arlington Career Center). These groups are helpful as they can help you expand your networks. You will also get current and firsthand information on what is being asked in interviews so that you can prepare. Also, you will find that there are several stages for interviews – best to know the process.

Your emotions count too… Some people also worry about their families. What will this disruption mean to them? Find out. Maybe your family is ready for a change but doesn’t know how to talk with you about it. Perhaps you can also teach them how to manage and cope in uncertain times by going beyond repeating, “tough times don’t last but tough people do.”

We know that uncertainty triggers anxiety. Do not pretend it doesn’t, share your feelings and listen when friends and family try to encourage you. Be thankful that you have people who care about you and how you are doing. Remember, you’re not alone. Second, well-wishers may suggest engaging with a friend, thank them and ask for introductions.

On the negative side, uncertainty can mean drinking more alcohol, smoking, or binge eating. It is one thing to eat a gallon of ice cream in one sitting – once. It is another thing to eat more than a bowl every few days. Take charge by eating good things, doing a bit more exercise and most importantly, interrupting negative thinking. If you find you need insights into how to do any of these things, you will find that you aren’t alone. The church can help connect you, friends can assist you, and professionals can give you ideas on how to cope and manage.

The myth is that tough people last. The reality is that people who adapt find the tools to navigate the crosscurrents of change.

Rich Long

January 24, 2025

In this great season of hopefulness, it is ironic that many among us are cruelly stalked by grief. When St. Paul writes of the sting of death, he speaks to all of us who are unable to free ourselves from brooding darkness to fully embrace the Christmas promise of new life.

In some traditions, there are special remembrances to mark our losses: sitting shiva, lighting candles, holding a wake, or attending a blue Christmas service. These practices link us to each other and remind us that at the heart of all Faiths is community. Yet, it can sometimes be challenging to get our bearings, especially amid endless carol singing and gift-giving. For many the experience of holiday joy is easily conflated with despair and isolation.

I have sometimes felt my emotions in a song, a piece of art, or a poem. My mother was an artist, and I can close my eyes and see her sitting in our living room at Christmas with a piece of art she created. Other times, I will reread the poem Crossing the Bar, marvel at a recording of Bach or Mozart, or recall the origin stories of family ornaments as I place them on the tree.

Sadly, healing from loss proceeds at its own snail’s pace. Grief is like a river with eddies that spin around, with sections that seem to go fast while other sections that simply meander. The water moves in its own time. Yet, there is always movement inviting us to peer into the water and see the light reflected within its depths.

Moving forward takes time, focus, and awareness. If you can, share your thoughts and feelings with a friend, family member, or church member. If you don’t have the words, simply ask someone to sit with you. You do not need to do this alone.

In many ways, Christmas is exactly the season to embrace this swirl of emotions. The season is not just about being merry. The Christ child was born into a world of chaos. His would be a life of struggle and discouragement. Yet, from this ominous beginning, there would always be the unmistakable promise that healing and reconciliation would follow in abundance.

What I should be doing is planning more time to experience quiet. There are several ways you might do this. Taking a hike in the forests around Arlington can be refreshing. Theodore Roosevelt Island is surprisingly comforting. There are also a host of trails and several start at Donaldson Run – park beyond the tennis courts and look at the map.

Another thought is that the church building isn’t there just for Sunday services, meetings, or even crisis; it is also for the quiet experience.

When you tell someone that you are going to ‘church,’ it is almost always viewed as having a certain priority. This is good. But who says it must be an organized event? You can plan to take time to simply sit. You can sip coffee, call a friend, read, or even watch a show on one of your devices. It is a place of refuge that is safe and invites quiet. One can recharge, but to do so, you need to give yourself permission to take care of yourself.

This doesn’t make you selfish. If you are looking to provide some justification for this action, you will also be teaching those around you how to take of oneself.

So how do you sit and relax when you have so much to do? Some have learned to focus on the simple act of breathing slowly in and out. Others will focus on a story, a friend, or even writing something. Some find that even the act of making a list of their ‘to-do’s’ puts those thoughts on paper and helps to make the items less ‘featureless.’ It is no longer just a sense of anxiety – and you can reward yourself by checking those items off, and even dropping those items that you will never get to. Also, consider adding a bit of exercise to the priority list. This can be a walk, on-line yoga (or at the Virginia Hospital Center are several exercise classes for a modest fee (and free parking). Gather small victories by passing up the second cookie, drink, or overly rich food.

Give yourself the gift of time to think about your joys and how to share them with others.

As we all participate in the holiday season, yes – enjoy the lights, the purpose of the holy day, family and friends, but also think and plan how you are going to increase your rejoicing by taking care of yourself. Plan some ‘quiet times.’ Unfortunately, they will not come on their own. And, as we all know, if you can’t plan some quiet times, then you desperately need them. Consider, reaching out to a friend and ask how they manage, or talking to a counselor to get ideas.

If nothing else, since I am a doctor, and you may view this short blog as my having written you a prescription for you to take quiet times.

Rich Long, Ed.D.